Ode to a soul dog: Isaac

Four years ago we lost our beloved dog Isaac—the sweetest, gentlest soul I’ve ever encountered. He had a smile that stretched so fully across his face that it created a ripple effect of joy anywhere he went. He loved big and unconditionally. I miss him every day.

On his final day of life, we carried Isaac to the backyard, letting him feel the breeze and the sun on his face one last time. We created a soft, beautiful bed of camellia blooms for him to take his last breath on. My wife played the guitar and we sang “Wildflowers” by Tom Petty. I read him poems from Mary Oliver’s “Dog songs” as he snored loudly. He died in our arms using compassionate home euthanasia with the golden light of the sunset streaming through our front windows. We filled the house with flowers, we toasted him with champagne, we carried his body out to the truck of the elder Queer who came over to help him die. It was a beautiful send off, for the most beautiful boy.

I also remember how difficult that time was— how tender and broken open and tired in my bones I was. We woke up at all hours of the night to tend to his tumor that was bleeding and carried him when he couldn’t walk. When he got really clever about taking meds, I remember feeling like I was losing my mind trying to find some sort of meat or cheese concoction that he wouldn’t immediately spit out. I cleaned up a lot of blood. And drool. And poop.

To care for and walk beside an animal at the end of their life is a holy journey, but not for the faint of heart.

Isaac is my inspiration for creating the Pet Loss group, my pet loss zine, and my work with the Tilly Project, photographing animals at the end of life. His death rocked me in a profound way and now allows me to reach and connect with other pet grievers to help shine a light on why this kind of loss is gutting and painful and deserves all the care and grief support. Our bonds with our animals are sacred and beautiful and our mourning is a testament to the incredible love we get to experience together. What a gift.

Cheers to you my sweet baby grandpa boy, I love you forever and ever. Look how your legacy lives on— you are forever remembered and loved and celebrated. 🖤

Next Queer Grief Club Pet Loss Grief Release is Thursday March 20th at 6pm PST. You can register here